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Realtime Notes Volume Three

November 22, 2020

Realtime Notes Volume Three is out – the latest tome in this quixotic exploration of quickfire poetry.

Buy it for £10 or get the trilogy for £20

I’m hoping this volume is the best expression of the project yet – partly because it covers quite a year.

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Running from 18 August 2019 to 17 August 2020, the story spans the Brexit parliamentary battle, a General Election, the London Bridge terror attacks, an impeachment trial, a global pandemic, a prime minister in hospital, a trip to Barnard Castle, the death of George Floyd, and the build-up to the US presidential election. I often think of Realtime Notes being a continuous work – like a verse memoir or novel – so it helps when the universe provides plotlines with a satisfying shape.

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The opening poem was deliberately written as a trailer for the autumn ahead – one that turned out to be reasonably accurate, although it wasn’t hard to predict things would end in a General Election one way or the other.

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Events progress through a series of parliamentary battles, marches and late-night votes. For better or worse, the poems provide a chance to relive it all in real time.

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There are interruptions from other dark subplots – the Essex lorry deaths and the London Bridge terror attacks among them.

The London Bridge poem was inspired by a headline in the Evening Standard that got me thinking about the phrase ‘member of the public’ – a descriptor that is at once over-familiar and de-individualising, but also strangely inspiring when you see it afresh: this sense that we are all members of a common collective.

The poem appeared in the pages of the Evening Standard a few days later, which felt like a validation of the project. Woody Guthrie talked about writing ‘newspaper songs’ – quickly penning something based on that morning’s headlines and then singing about it in the folk clubs later that day. Part of the point of Realtime Notes is that poetry can do that too, with the rapid publishing platform that Instagram provides.

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Spoiler alert: the election didn’t work out for Remainers. This was the poem I wrote the day after ‘Brexit day’, inspired by the five stages of grief.

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In the meantime, another plotline was brewing. It’s eerie reading back through the poems and seeing the first mention of coronavirus in January. In some kinds of writing, you have an omniscient narrator who leaves the reader guessing what comes next. This is the opposite – the reader knows how the plot works out, while the uncertain narrator fumbles his way through real time.

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The narrator is pretty sure he had Covid in March, along with the rest of his household. That was a weird time. Soon the Prime Minister had it too, along with one of his advisers.

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As always, the book includes some ‘visual’ poems that are more like cartoons or editorial illustrations. I stubbornly call them poems because they’re part of a poetry project and always involve playing with language. This one was produced in collaboration with Chris Clarke, Deputy Creative Director at the Guardian. (The book only allows for a rough reproduction, but that is in the rough-and-ready spirit of the project.)

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The death of George Floyd opens what is effectively the third act in the book, leading to a summer of poems written from the centre of a cultural maelstrom. Stormy as it was (and still is), I tried to anchor myself to a belief in universalism – an unfashionable idea that I think is nevertheless central to any kind of moral progress.

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The book ends with the article I wrote for the Guardian to mark 1,000 days of the project – a milestone I passed in May 2020.

Despite the enforced slowness of the lockdown, I believe that speed is the defining characteristic of our times – the dizzying acceleration of the news cycle, the rapid proliferation of memes via social media, the crazy centrifugal force that separates people into extremes on every issue, the sense of being on the end of a fire hose of information every time you stare into that flat rectangle in your palm. In such times, I don’t think it’s enough simply to report the news – you need to find a way to process it emotionally and psychologically. Accelerated poetry is one way to do that – poetry that embraces speed as a formal device and descends into the fray armed only with words. As I’ve said a few times about this project, history isn’t written by the victors – it’s written by the writers.

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Which reminds me, I’ve not mentioned The Moron in the entirety of this post. I look forward to not mentioning him a lot more in years to come. I was quite pleased with this pun though.

Thanks to everyone who continues to follow the project on Instagram and Twitter. I especially like the fact that most readers aren’t poets themselves, which is unusual in the poetry world. I hope the book makes a good gift for people who don’t read much poetry, but would enjoy a different take on the extraordinary times we’ve been living through.

Here’s where you can buy the book or buy the trilogy. Right now, it’s only available from our site, but I’m hoping a distributor might get it into a few shops.

The project continues in real time on Instagram.

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Perpetual Disappointments Diary

October 23, 2020

Perpetual Disappointments Diary is back – and I’m pleased to say it’s the most disappointing edition yet.

The updated version is published by Picador and available from various outlets: linktr.ee/disappointmentsdiary

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New additions include a series of Realistic Journaling Prompts – a calculated attempt to ride the trend for journaling as a means of self-improvement.

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These are mixed in with the usual demotivational quotes, all set on week-to-view spreads that are punctuated with reminders of Notable Deaths and anniversaries of disappointing events in history.

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Other new additions include a Boring Crossword and Misspelt Wordsearch, which are as challenging emotionally as they are mentally.

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And there are genuinely useful tools like this Excuse Generator.

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Possibly my favourite new section is Even Worse Case Scenarios – advice for slightly more extreme situations, such as ‘Jumping from a moving vehicle with hayfever’ or ‘Performing the Heimlich manoeuvre on a first date’.

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Finally, these Unhelpful Folk Rhymes encode extremely bad advice in catchy mnemonics. Do not follow any of this advice in any circumstances.

All this is a continuation of a project that began back in 2013 with our independently-published version, and has gradually taken on a life of its own. This version feels like the most comprehensive and content-rich one yet and surely everyone knows at least one person who would like it for Christmas.

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Order now to ensure disappointment: linktr.ee/disappointmentsdiary

Tags Disappointments Diary
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Realtime Notes Volume Two

October 25, 2019

Realtime Notes Volume Two is out today. To mark the occasion, I have secured an interview with myself, which you can read below. Volume Two is available here for £10 plus p&p, or you can buy the two-volume set for £15.

Congratulations on releasing Volume Two of Realtime Notes. Can you incredibly briefly sum up the project?

Yes, it’s a series of poems written in rapid response to current events, both personal and political. I write at least one a day and haven’t missed a day in two years, two months and seven days. I post them on Instagram.

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Do the books contain all the poems?

No, more like half of them. Volume One covers the first year, Volume Two covers the second. Including all of them would have made for two cumbersome tomes and a laborious read. Stripping it back means you keep the narrative flow, but tighten it up. The poems are in chronological order, so it’s like reliving the year as it happened.

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Is Volume Two better than Volume One?

Maybe – it’s slightly thicker because I wanted to keep more poems in. And the plot lines are dramatic: US midterms, the release of the Mueller report, the fall of Theresa May, the rise of Boris Johnson, the testimony of Christine Blasey-Ford, the deaths of John McCain, Doris Day and Jamal Khashoggi, spies in Salisbury, shootings in Christchurch, a fire at Notre Dame and a trip to Trump Tower.

What are your favourite individual poems?

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Hard to say, but I quite like this one I wrote on my birthday last year. I like poems that mix the mundane and humdrum with the existential and geopolitical.

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In terms of likes, the most popular poems tend to be the angry ones, like this one I wrote when Boris Johnson was on the verge of winning the Tory leadership.

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And the death poems are always popular, if that’s the right word. There’s something about writing and reading those poems in-the-moment that turns it into a different experience. (Sorry about the bad photos by the way.)

It doesn’t matter. So why should people buy these books?

I hope poetry and non-poetry people will get something from it. For anyone who thinks of poetry as difficult and impenetrable, it should be refreshing as most are quick to read as well as write. But I think it’s also a dense and rich text that’s full of wordplay and formal elements that reward repeat reading. Because of the nature of the project, it contains all the stuff of life – from putting the bins out to joining a protest march, sitting in a soft play centre to visiting Trump Tower. There’s comedy, slapstick, sadness, melancholy, joy, rage, love, loss. Plus lots of Brexit.

Will there be a Volume Three?

I don’t know. I’m still writing so I suppose those poems will have to go somewhere. I like doing it and feel like there’s more to do. It started in a random and unplanned way and I suspect it will end similarly.

How did you print them?

I bought a book in the Penguin Modern Classics paperback series and found a printer credit – a company called Clays in the UK. They’re surprisingly approachable and happy to work with indie publishers. I really like the production of the book – feels like pleasingly decent quality, but also functional and straightforward. The content is the main thing and the books are intended as a rough-and-ready vehicle for it.

Are the books available in all good bookshops?

No – only from asburyandasbury.com/shop. I haven’t figured out how distribution works and will happily take advice if there are any experts out there. The National Poetry Library and British Library have copies, so I have some baseline literary credibility.

Any events or readings coming up?

No – I did a talk at D&AD Manchester and the Off The Shelf Literature Festival in Sheffield and enjoyed both. So I’m looking for other opportunities and open to suggestions.

Thanks for making the time for this.

No problem. I’ll just go and take a bad photo of the Bercow poem to finish.

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Tags Realtime_notes, Poems
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Realtime Notes Volume One

June 4, 2019

With Trump in the UK and a Tory leadership contest under way, it seems like a good time to launch a poetry book: Realtime Notes Volume One. You can buy it here.

Since 17 August 2017 I’ve been posting ‘realtime’ poems to Instagram at a rate of at least one a day. Realtime Notes Volume One takes the best poems from the first year – 284 out of about 750 – and presents them in a paperback book that is now available for £10 + delivery. Volume Two will follow later this year. 

As I’ve said before, Realtime Notes is partly about treating time as a formal constraint in poetry, challenging the expectation that poetry should always take extended time, both to write and read. It’s interesting to see what happens when you push back against that. 

Given the realtime nature of the project, I was unsure for a while about whether a book was the best medium for it. But as it turns out, I really like what happens when you see them in a book – the shift in context turns it into a different experience.

284 poems is still enough to retain a sense of scale and to capture the changes in pace that take place throughout the year. But it also concentrates it down to a more manageable read and you see patterns that you wouldn’t necessarily notice on Instagram or on the website (realtime-machine.com). And books are still a great technology for delivering text – there is something pleasurable about reading from the printed page.

I think it also brings out something I’ve always thought about the project, which is that it’s as much about the cumulative effect as it is about the individual poems. At the back of the book, there is an extended ‘Interview with myself’ that covers this point:

Rather than single pieces, I think of them as fragments of one bigger poem that is essentially novelistic. So you have the big plotlines of Brexit and Trump and the sense of this grand historical sweep, but you also get the granular details of visits to the barber and letting a fly out of the window. And there are themes that echo across the whole story, including meditations on the nature of time and reality, or recurring characters like Dan Hannan. 

The poems still feel like a good, relevant read (to me, at least). They remind you of a time recent enough for you to get most of the references (that should be the case for a good few years), but long enough ago for you to think ‘oh, I’d forgotten all about that’. It’s also similar to a film – full of disasters, shootings, villains, heroes, comical interludes, political drama, and a high death count. 

As well as being fast to write, the poems are relatively quick to ‘get’. I like to think the book would make a good gift for people who are not that into poetry. It’s comical, angry, cathartic, obscene, mundane, transcendent, philosophical, humdrum – all the stuff of real life. But then the poems should reward repeat reading as the (sometimes chronic) density of the wordplay means there are often hidden layers. 

The book is a fairly hefty paperback, modelled on the Penguin Modern Classic series and printed by the same people. I wanted it to be a relatively humble book, accessibly priced at £10. Some of the poems contain visual support – screengrabs and thumbnail photos – wherever it felt essential in order to get what the poem was about.

I’m proud of it and consider it a proper literary work – my novel (or at least Volume One of it). I’ll be flogging copies at the Birmingham Design Festival later this week, and I’ll no doubt be talking more about it wherever I can.

The book is available to buy here (only from our website for now). Volume Two will be out in the autumn, after I’ve written a few more poems.

You can follow along in real time at instagram.com/nickasbury

Thanks to everyone who has supported the project. 

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It never ends (although it might)

November 14, 2018

True to its name, Perpetual Disappointments Diary is back – in an updated edition packed with underwhelming features. The latest edition is the one with the orange bellyband and it’s available from Pan Macmillan in both good and bad bookshops. The US edition continues to be available from Chronicle.

Picking up on the trend for the Quantified Self, there is a new section called The Quantified Loser – a way to keep track of the gradual decline.

There are also some new demotivational quotes mixed in among the old.

And you’ll find perennially useful features such as a travel phrasebook…

…reminders of important dates in history…

… a contacts page for all those friends of yours…

… and a notes section at the back.

It’s been a long journey doing this diary – the original came out at the end of 2012 and we published and sold it independently for a few years. That was a fun time because we got to see exactly who was buying it. The highlight was when David Blaine (!) bought a copy and then ordered 20 more. His PA complained at one point that the covers were curling a little, and we asked her if David Blaine had been staring at them too hard.

We didn’t really – the covers were curling because of production problems that became an annual headache and eventually led us to seek out a ‘proper’ publisher. It’s now in its third edition with Pan Macmillan and I’m not sure whether it’ll extend beyond that – this could be the last sad hurrah.

Working with a publisher means you lose some sense of personal ownership, but it’s also been great fun to see it appearing in shops around the world – lots of photos pop up on Instagram from Australia and New Zealand. Thanks to the Library Shop at Queensland State Library for the photo at the top of this post.

So yes, it’s available now and I’ve no idea how long it will be in future, so maybe act now if you’re ever going to. You can’t argue it’s not a timely gift given the state of the world.

Order now to ensure disappointment. (The link goes to Blackwell’s because they’re nice, but other massive online book retailers are available – just make sure you get the orange edition.)

Tags Disappointments Diary, Projects
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